Category: Parenting
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Expectations & people pleasing
Mid life adults struggle with people pleasing. The idea in itself is not inherently bad, but when we stop listening to our own wishes or preferences, we can be in danger of losing ourselves alltogether. I wanted to please my parents. And watching my brother test the waters with daring courage, I stayed clear from…
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The confidence built in silence
For a parent it takes a lot of practice to step back and let the kids become responsible for themselves. Let them make mistakes if you already warned them or gave them the advice needed. This week the music teacher told them that of any of them plays any instrument to bring it to school…
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Take my word for it
Let your yes be yes, and your no be no. My mom was a strong believer in clear honest talk. No matter the context. She disliked sarcasm as it hid frustration and double talk. And I do believe I owe it to my parents that the way I learned to interact with others had no…
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accommodating
My kids prefer my company and input, even though I believe I’m more strict & not as fun as my husband. Generally, women are social accommodators. We read tones, read between the lines, pay attention to subtle words or moods… and answer the real questions. We keep the peace and meet the kids where they…
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Bitterness redeemed
I had to remember to be present, and postpone the wallowing in frustration. Oh, to be able to stop the train of negative thoughts, what a powerful feeling. Having tried this in a season of extreme exhaustion or emotional overstimulation, the feeling of powerlessness added to the frustration. Enough with the theory. Every week I…
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Romance
Both girls giggle about boys. So innocent. Different boys come to the door ti invite them out to play. They gag when they see kissing in movies, but the interest in boys is in a stage of its own in their development. They try to play it cool but then they ask me stuff. And…
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Last minute stars alignment
Having friends, maintaining friendships can be expensive. Having built these friendships through church we got used to free socializing. But I can see how going out is getting to be too pricy. Alas, we went on a weekend away and swam and assembled food, shared stories and listened to each other’s heart or silliness. And…
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you pray
This is how Ivy calls me to their room after we already said good night, and Conrad and I read quietly on the couch. It’s usually to talk through something and to pray. I usually have to dig a little deeper to find the real question. Ivy deflects.⁃ what do you mean?She repeats the question.…
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A chance to reset
We spent the day in town waiting for the windshield to be fixed. There was a delay and for that we even got a discount. But the day was long and hot. We stayed hydrated and we made the best of it without spending a ton of money. We got home and the day was…
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Broken windshield
I was on a weekend of planning with the momco leaders. It started Friday afternoon, the day our extended family went back to USA. That morning I drove them to the airpot at 4 AM. I was tired, to say the least. But I showed up. So far I jumped from one event to another,…
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exclusivity & maturity
We’ve had so many good conversation, my daughters and I. Honesty draws them in. We chat about everything and I’m honored by their trust and desire to share with me their dreams, worries, milestones and other events. Jackie has liked boys since she was in kindergarten. They enjoyed her company and they were kind and…
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Failing
There must be a balance between taking care of family with warmth and presence and commitment, and the ability to empower them to grow mature and responsible. I was never pushed outside of my comfort zone too early. Some natural things in my family, like spending time at my grandmother as the eldest cousin, observing…