Author: Violeta
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A week of small breaks
Resting my mind. Relearning to take care of myself. Letting my parents step in, due to available circumstances. My youngest nephew spent some time at the grandparents during the work days, and taking care of him is easier when a little cousin is there to play with. I consciously protected the grandparents of the children…
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Growing pains
We all grow. In different ways. Parents and children, side by side. This week I set my decibel bar low. And it was a success from that point of view… though I myself cried more, it was definitely more cathartic. Last week I oscillated between deep sadness to hot furry. Disobedience. Exuberance. Disagreements. As I…
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Introspection shared
I always believed thatstepping into the lightis the first step into freedom.As we grow old,discerning the lightseems to be the hardest part of the process.And then harder yet, embracing vulnerability.The trick is that,once you submerse yourselfinto the grace of God,Facing the TruthLooking intentlyinto the mirror of God’s Wordconfessing and accept His forgiveness,the onlookers hold no…
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Isaiah 61 – garment of praise
I stayed with this beautiful text. And at first I heard nothing. I felt nothing. After reading it every day, for a few days, I woke up at night and I could finally articulate my thoughts. Here are my reflections. Thanks to the rabbi for making me sit with the text. My hardened heart and hardened…
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No joy or simply disconnected
I realized this week that all I felt was exhaustion. There was no joy left in my being a mom. I used to have easy reset strategies, reset of mind, of body, of mindset. Whatever reset I managed, didn’t last anymore. I was feeling pretty hopelessly sad. Then I had an interview with ARFO about…
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Jackie’s curiosity about annoyances
Mom, before you had kids, were you ever annoyed? Did you and dad annoy each other in any way? Of course. Like how? Your daddy has seasonal allergies and during our first year of marriage he would wake me up at night with his sneezing. And how did you get over it? Being annoyed does…
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I tune in
I listen to my home church from California, Peninsula Bible Church Cupertino. And I am inspired to come into the light. My mind clears just as I see my mentors and pastors who lead with passion despite the comfort of their life. And they’ve been doing it since they were my age. Brian came to…
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Where are you?
It’s the question God asks of Adam and Eve before things went south. It’s a rhetorical question. Because God knows everything. What did you do? I asked Jackie what happened. She stared at me, unmovable. I know her stoicism. I didn’t even get upset deep down. Nor disappointed. So I told her the story of…
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Allow for miracles
I like control. I’m a good planner and I reap the benefits. I had to learn to pull back and let others give it a go, take responsibility, distribute the work. I am living on a prayer. And Keep busy. One lesson I learned and practiced as a teenager, when I was so anxious about…
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He quickly responds
Then when you call, the Lord will answer. ‘Yes, I am here,’ he will quickly reply. Isaiah 58 Half asleep, I hear my daughter call me every night.In her sleep she cries out:“Mommy!”“Yes, ivy? I’m here!” Then… silence. She wakes me up As if to check.She always insists.And I respond. Begrudgingly of late.When will this…
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“My foster mom didn’t sing”
I stop humming. I look at her. I take a deep breath and ask: “would you prefer I stopped singing?” “Yes” she answered slightly embarrassed, quietly. It’s not the first time she tells me to stop singing. Ever since I met her. I blatantly disregarded her request when I used to drive her back to the…
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Widen your tent
Widen your tent to make room for the orphan. We’ve been thinking and praying for a house for a few years. The dream felt extravagant. I am grateful for my small comfortable home. But as we adopted ivy, the possibility of another biological child showing up in the system, made us realize that we would…