Resting my mind. Relearning to take care of myself. Letting my parents step in, due to available circumstances. My youngest nephew spent some time at the grandparents during the work days, and taking care of him is easier when a little cousin is there to play with.
I consciously protected the grandparents of the children chaos. And I tried to keep the kids away from indulgent cartons and sweets. Grandparents are so accommodating. And they dance to the kids changing tunes. But all in all, the grandparents are responsible and able. Willing and loving. And most importantly: available.
So I accepted their help. They fed the girls lunch a couple of days. And they let them jump around, on pillows, on couches, on the trampoline, in their ground level apartment.
Then, accepting the generous gift of our friends to take the girls out for an evening of cooking and chatting. As Conrad and I took Rufus for a last evening walk in the rain, it was cold but we were together, by ourselves. And I felt a jolt of happiness for no apparent reason. The change in the schedule. Such a familiar feeling. But a feeling I haven’t felt in a while.
Apartness is as important to me as togetherness. We suffer from accrued togetherness. We need to take one step back for an ample view. Or simply to be.
It may be the heartfelt prayers of friends from my Isaiah class. It may be our parents prayer for survival perspective and rest. It may be God’s pure gift of intervention into my heart to soften it. To soothe it.
A short break is not enough. And that made me feel ungrateful. A week of short breaks every day, it gives my brain a routine and something to look forward to. A time to rest and anticipate rest. The anticipation of a pleasant time bestow part of the joy.
Then we woke up Saturday morning to our hills covered in snow. What a beautiful sight to behold. We spent the morning outside and the girls had a blast.
The less experienced me would think I’m all recharged and thus go back to business as usual. Bedtime routine, meals, homework, exercises, nap time, accommodating any and all demands of parenting. Burnout is around the corner. Finding a good book to read during quiet times, taking the dog for walks by myself, being fully present when playing and stepping away when working… and saying “not right now” without feeling guilty or frustrated.