A new series of thoughts on adoption

As we discuss adoption with any and all, we realize how different our views are, and how generally ignorant we are as a society. Mainly because in Romania as a culture, we avoid discussing delicate subjects. We are very non-confrontational because the alternative is a heated reaction or response. We prefer the one-punch-knock-out strategy, not a back and forth dance of exchanging ideas and enjoying the process.

It takes a lot of self-control to find and walk elegantly the middle ground. Especially since every discussion involves two participants. The chances for both to be cool minded, have enough knowledge, self-control and self-confidence to not just yell louder in order to win the dispute. So here is goes, attempting to layout our plans and opinions, as I know we will have collisions over time. Best to start early.

— 1

Dear friends, I am starting a new educational series about adoption. (in Romanian on Facebook – because that’s our immediate target audience)

To be adopted or to adopt is not shameful. We plan to tell our child that she is adopted, that we wanted her and we waited for her for a long time; that for us, instead of her growing in my belly, she grew in my soul. ok?

I have in-laws and cousins that are now adults, who were adopted when they were little.

The mistakes and meanness around adoption are quite varied.

Don’t talk in whispers about this with us or in our presence. This is not a tabu subject.

For those of you with kids, please, I encourage you to discuss about adoption with your children, in terms appropriate for their age. Children will imitate your attitude towards adoption, be that positive or negative. I promise you that you are not doing this for me, but for yourselves and for the society we live in together.

That’s it for today.

— 2

Intersting fact: an overwhelming majority of heroes from stories and popular movies are orphans. Think about it: Superman, Batman, Spiderman, Harry Potter, Anna & Elsa, Annie, Snow White, Cinderella, the adopted girls in Despicable Me… on the other hand the couple in Up can’t have kids, but the boy without a present father is adopted through adventure by the reluctant old man.

— 3

About trust

Immagine that you begin an expedition on a mountain and you have to cross many bridges and footbridges. And every footbridge you cross breaks. And every bridge crumbles under your feet. Even though they all seem stable.

Are you angry? Do you continue to trust any bridges? How do you react in front of any new footbridge after you’ve already been bruised and beaten, after you got wet, maybe you even broke something in your body falling off the crumbling bridge.

Well, the fundamental relationships of an abandoned child are similar to these bridges, that break suddenly or are interrupted all of a sudden, and that causes a lot of confession and pain.

Adoptive parents have in front of them a challenge of putting their needs and expectations aside for now, and approach the child they meet at the beginning of a new bridge, with patience, wisdom, creativity and a lot of unmovable love, with a clear mind and disciplinary courage.