I’ve had in the past, the feeling that I can’t quite catch up with my feelings, my inner self, my thoughts. But this trip to Dublin was crisp, in the air and in the mind. Just before hopping on the plane I repurchased the book called “Boundaries” written by two christian psychologists. A brilliant book for anyone willing to receive its gifts. Though the best gifts of truth and healing can be displayed right in front of you, nobody can force you to intake them.

As I had to verbalize some boundaries with friends and community I stumbled upon this quote.

Proverbs 22:3 says that “the prudent man sees the evil and hides himself.” Sometimes physically removing yourself from a situation will help maintain boundaries. You can do this to replenish yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually after you have given to your limit, as Jesus often did.

It gave me such confidence and reaffirmation of what my inner heathy self was telling me. I really struggled with this, my first whole year after the move, but my main issue then was that I had no core group of friends, constant spiritually healthy and mature friends.

What we can do is set limits on our own exposure to people who are behaving poorly; we can’t change them or make them behave right.

Our model is God. He does not really “set limits” on people to “make them” behave. God sets standards, but he lets people be who they are and then separates himself from them when they misbehave, saying in effect, “You can be that way if you choose, but you cannot come into my house.” Heaven is a place for the repentant, and all are welcome.

As we prepare to adopt a child and we talk at length about discipline, the purpose of disciplining a child is to give them a complex set of tools to survive adolescence (them and us) and send them into the world as healthy adults. The earlier we learn discipline and boundaries for ourselves, the easier should be later on.

The other aspect of limits that is helpful when talking about boundaries is setting our own internal limits. We need to have spaces inside ourselves where we can have a feeling, an impulse, or a desire, without acting it out. We need self-control without repression.

We need to be able to say no to ourselves. This includes both our destructive desires and some good ones that are not wise to pursue at a given time. Internal structure is a very important component of boundaries and identity, as well as ownership, responsibility, and self-control.