The girls wanted to watch old videos of themselves. I indulged a trip to the past that lasted an hour.
We nearly peed our pants laughing. We watched videos from their first days with us and the few years later. Them playing, us together and mostly regular life at the apartment.
Those first years seemed so bright and fun and filled with laughter and love. Looking at the videos I can’t remember what was hard at all. The girls also remember only the good times. Conrad was working in the corner of the living room, while the girls danced, laughed, played and made an awful lot of noise. And yet I don’t hear Conrad complaining all that much. I mean I bet he held it in and it was a decisive factor to moving into a larger living space.
I also captured lots of beautiful playful moments, dancing with the girls, laughing, FaceTime with family in US, cooking, cleaning. The house is just enough messy, with toys and joy.
Man, we had a beautiful decade together. We celebrated, we healed, we hiked, we had fun beyond measure.
My poems during Covid, My book and my journal describes my inner struggle, my sense of inadequacy and exhaustion, the wear and tear. But it was also glorious. Truly glorious. I mean I don’t think we would have adopted a second time if it had been terrible. It is a lot of work, it is a lot of self sacrificing, but the rewards are unbelievable. Extraordinary. To watch miracles of healing under your own eyes, to see kids transform and grow and become the best version of themselves… there are layers of truth and life and gratitude. Adoption is complex. But as long as we understand life itself is not predictable, then we have a chance. There will be tears, theirs she yours, there will be fear, theirs and yours. And there will be healing. Thank god for connection and love.