…It’s better than the most loving eulogy. And I am still around to enjoy it, and let it fill me with hope and delight.
I absolutely love Jackie’s mind and heart and teachable posture. She is stubborn but clearly within her rights. Not an inch overbearing.
She is reserved with most other people. Observant and slow to show her heart. Won’t volunteer information, as if she had already lived a long life and has already experienced loss or rejection. Though she hasn’t, in personal young adult terms.
I see the path I would take in certain conversations, but I catch myself trying hard to hold my tongue. If I am too explicit about my suggestions, she will reject them. But then again, I am not the one feeling all the feelings. It is so good that she takes it all slow and reflects at length about where she is going and why. I love this girl!
Mama,
We’ve known each other for 10 years. You help me with homework, to pass tests, you cook for us, you talk with me, you listen (though sometimes I know it should be more the other way around). It seems we get along pretty well, don’t you think? I’d like to maintain this relationship. I know you know the things that annoy me. Thank you very much for making a conscious effort to not do those things. And just as well I know your pet peeves, I’m trying. I’m trying, I still need to practice to not annoy you. I’m working on it.
One thing you helped me a lot with was to open up more to others. Not completely, but at least partially. I think with you I’m pretty honest (about myself). Mostly I’m grateful for everything you do for me. I’m sorry I couldn’t say this to you in person. Sometimes it’s easier in writing.
Now that I’m thinking about it, i think this is another timing I need to work on more. To say things in person not just in writing. My honesty can be harsh sometimes it’s not useful if I can only communicate in writing. It’s just that I’m afraid to hurt people. And it’s not because I’m too empathetic but because if I see that person again it’s awkward. So, it’s a vicious cycle. It always comes back to my ego not my empathy.
Thank you a thousand times for EVERYTHING you do, for me especially.
With love,
Jaky
Ps. If you ever need a hug, I’m here. But if you please, not too many.