Could I please ask…where do you think your girls are on their journey at this point? Are there particular area where they struggle in terms of loss or grieving? How about you? Conrad? How do you both feel about the idea of children grieving? Or maybe your own grief? —
Hi Nathan. We are doing well. Great hearing from you.
I’ll compile my thoughts on your questions. They are very relevant even as adoptive families move in and out of grief, or experience it differently from each other or over time.
I feel we have embraced the acceptance stage a while ago. The girls have asked us if we wish I had given birth to them. And we concluded that their journey redeemed, our journey as it happened through adoption, I wouldn’t change it. It’s strange. I was sad at times for the trauma they endured but we are strangely over it. I know they will revisit.
The younger daughter asked wondering how her life would be if she was raised by her biological family. I think a curiosity or longing for perceived normality exists. But they talk about it often. Sometimes they wonder about their other siblings – if anything they grieve the intelectual loss of siblings that exist.
I don’t wish for anything to be different. This is where I think we are over the grief. As for the girls, having the space to express their emotions, and the invitation to do so, I hope & believe it helps. I think at different stances they may see things differently, but we go with the flow. And faith helps. All four of us.
I think the adults are afraid of such emotions in their kids, and try to cover it up or get over it fast, but the solution is to process it slowly at its own pace.
We truly feel at peace in this season and what a gift that is!