We wondered if we were meant to be free of responsibilities and travel the world until we die.
That freedom is an illusion. It is suffocating. It gives me reason to validate wholeheartedly that article that compares “happiness” to “meaning”.
See article.
The pursuit of happiness is happiness in itself. Meaning is happiness. A state of “arrival” yet a loss of next and future, is surprisingly burdensome.
We pulled our sleeves up and got to work, aware that it will only hit us later that we are parents. We don’t fully feel it. It has not hit us with clarity. We do what needs to be done and live day by day. Looking forward to three hours of silence at night together. Which is luxury.
Yesterday we took her to a concert.
“I don’t know what I’m doing” that’s how I want to start all my conversations. I’m still learning. I still don’t have a magic purse that can carry everything a child might need. We went to a Christmas concert and it lasted two hours. We have a three year old, who whispered just as we arrived “I’m hungry”. I knew this one, as I failed it two Sundays ago, and I brought a banana. She ate with an appetite. Then “I’m still hungry” the little voice whispered. Daddy had a freshly baked chocolate muffin. She savored every bite. Then “I’m thirsty!” Ops! She waited a few minutes and then went out with daddy for some tea. Came back and a boy next to us had yummy rolls and cereal which he generously shared. One him, one her. She held his hand. He smiled at her. She definitely loved the music! Dancing or clapping or waving. She was enthralled!
Today we went swimming at an indoor huge pool, and she loved it. She jumped and splashed and kicked and laughed. Who knew she would love it so much! I always have to prepare her mentally for a bath every few days. It gets easier as we recall how fun we had the last time.
She is slowly absorbed into our lives and her adapting to our way of life happens seamlessly. I worried about what I can give her, and trying to mold ourselves to her needs, but the reality is that we just have to love her well. The particulars of how to fall right into place become secondary. We do the best we can with what we have.