Love and patience

These past few months I have learned two essential tings: unconditional love and endless patience.

In the “instant” era, where even though we know quality things don’t happen overnight, we want instant knowledge, instant connection, instant community. Adoption wasn’t instant. It took years. And teaching a child doesn’t happen over night. We gently guide her spirit and mind in a general direction. As they say, the journey is the destination.

I have had many doubts. We consisted and reconsiders adoption many times. We waited many years. We wondered if God’s plan is for us to roam the earth freely and give where we may.

But both of us had it clearly set deep in our hearts that we are to parent a child or more. Adoption can very well be part of the plan. So faith. Blind determined faith is part of the story. And as kind David prayed many times, not for his own benefit, “don’t let me be put to shame”. As time went by, and we waited and waited, and the actual meeting of our child was out of our hands.

We’ve let many stories pass by us like waves on the sea, and pursued our own “north star”. And it became easier and easier to give it all to Him. Everything I ever “kept” as a treasure, was what I gave freely and generously. My time, energy, money, love, attention, will fade away in a decade or two. It’s a small window of courage and faith and sacrifice. And let me tell you! Until you give of yourself, you won’t fully understand the joy and fulfillment one can feel loving a child.

Jaclyn is absolutely adorable, smart, empathetic, funny, has a contagious laughter and I am in awe that God matched us so perfectly. She grows taller in heart and spirit as I look her deep in her eyes and love her with joy. I see her soaking it all up. She delights my heart. I am her mom. She knows it. I know it. What joy and true true happiness is giving yourself to others. My heart is bursting.

I get to write these things after I put her to bed. I have so much to say, to process. I have been posting every day because everyday is so rich.