To what degree do we make a sustained effort to engage in useful conversations? Always. Start always with the best intentions. But I personally pay attention to signs and I adapt quickly to the circumstances and move on if I hit a wall. I don’t trust others’ availability to engage if they can’t manage the first few tries. Life is too short and too filled with possibilities to bark at one tree only.
I know the friends who energize me, who fill me with hope and joy. I seek their company whenever I can… but not always. There are times I’m aware that I am the giver and I freely give.
Lately I was glad to notice a shift in Jackie’s conversations with her bf. She stays put on her path of clarity and challenges the status quo and asks hard questions and leaves room for pondering. My prayer is that she won’t let any disillusionment or opposition push her down. May she embrace a humble stance that would only ground her stronger in her clarity and confidence. She knows her mind and she pushes back on nonsense, even if sometimes by moving on discreetly from topics that are not worth the sweat.
She is still clearheaded but the journey to know and feel God is still up ahead, with twists and turns and she has a long way to go still. May the romance not interfere with her spiritual journey. I have my doubts. And I would try maybe to convince her to take another path if I could relive this past year again. It may as well have been in vain and she still needs to burn through some stages, but I don’t know the other well. And I worry for both their hearts; will they spend too much energy trying to make this relationship work despite the hurdles and the incompatibility? How much do they understand about what people should work on and what should be easier? Insecurity and fear, projecting, belief system, family values, character, drive, self discovery and emotional security… nobody had a checklist for me but having been through some things and clinging onto God has clarified my choices and path.
They can’t pursue a real relationship in a vacuum. I keep saying this. Some things need to overlap, and useful and real things as well. Side by side service, family gatherings, church. But I am ok taking small steps, while listening to her conclusion to their more in depth conversations. She brings things up that at first he thinks they are nonsense, but then he pays better attentions and understands and learns from her. He even acknowledges that she teaches him. Her choice and decision to see him, to give him permission to pursue her, that is unusually specific. Not for lack of options. This summer alone we have traveled far and wide and she met a lot of young people. And many were drawn to her, intrigued, curious, wanting to know her better, but she was mature and respectful and equally distant not giving false hope to any.