I find myself in the land of happening and not yet.
I hear of sad stories of moms sharing the news of a pregnancy, and going through the pain of miscarriage many months into the it. And it is heartbreaking. It is painful as hell. And some well wishers, making matters worse, would say “why did you tell everyone you are expecting? now you go tell them you lost the baby” wow! I’m sure these people speak such unthoughtful words from bursting from their own pain of loss, but this is not something to be said to any grieving parent.
These are going to be three longs months for us. Expecting some judges to evaluate our case, in the grand scheme of things. We know we are preparing to enter a whirlpool of noise, of adaptation and changes and challenges. Preparing as in bracing ourselves. Our plane is about to crash-land well enough to take off again.
We spoke up about our heart’s desire to adopt very early on…and we took the heat for it. So many questions. So many doubts. We often had to close our ears and trudge ahead.
Faith is such a funny thing. One can not debate it. One can not argue it. One can not prove it …except in hindsight. When all is said and done. Yet, the joy of letting go and throwing yourself backwards in the expending strong hands. Believing, not with certain assured arrogance, but with a prayerful heart. Open hands and decisive steps.