We keep dreaming about our younger daughter.
Especially knowing that the she and Jackie look alike. I don’t know how well she is in the foster family where she was placed. I can only pray she is ok. That she gets what she needs, that she feels save and loved for now. I see two pair of inquisitive eyes.
Last night I dreamt that we visited with our social worker a nightmarish house, like a ruin after a war. And J was playing in there, and she was happy. She didn’t see, or didn’t care that is was unsafe, dirty.
How can we chase a dream, a flying kite, trusting that God will land where we are, slowing down the winds just so, exactly where we find ourselves in a few months. We have no promise, no assurance, except God’s hand over us, that He may allow us to reunite the sisters and care for them together, and allow them to grow and blossom and strengthen their hearts.
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Some weekend events… after a rollercoaster week of really high highs and really low lows.
Our car broke down up in the mountains this weekend. One last straw that broke the camel’s back. Bad roads. Big potholes. A moment of distraction. We hit and wide one and our oil-tank cracked. And it spilled pretty quickly the oil. We had to call a platform tow truck up in the mountains on a Sunday night. It was in the middle of a long weekend. So the car waited for the business to reopen before we could get the damage assessed, and the car fixed. We are so dependent on those four wheels. I dislike this feeling of stuck, of powerlessness in going where I need easily.
I wish I didn’t have to be responsible for taking care of our car troubles. But we line in Romania. And I am taking one for the team.
I have learned or remembered something about myself. My emotions are easily read. I delight in showing my joy, allowing my face to be read. Except when I am focused, concerned, worried. My face shows heavy. If I am upset, my furry burns through like molting lava, even if I say nothing at all. It is powerful i like it or not. I’d rather it not. But I am who I am, learning to remember in the heat of trouble to conceal my worry. I am to focused on finding a solution, and inside I feel rather calm, powerful, composed. I care a little less about my appearance. But I must try. Conrad says I looked upset when we concluded that our car is dead in the middle of nowhere. It is not fixed and in Romanian land, it all costed under 200 USD – to have it brought safely down and fixed to fully function.