I had mentioned before that I lost a lot of weight in those first months of parenting. Looking back I realize how hard it was. But we didn’t know it then. It was also wonderful. And the wonder and joy was all that we could see.
How many of you remember your first dates? Wasn’t it all like a dream? I can’t quite explain it, but while it was hard, because we were learning each other, trying to anticipate needs, figuring out our responsibilities, finding a routine, it was also wonderful and exciting. Everything was playful, colorful, joyful. So much laughter, dancing, cooking, reading stories, taking pictures, singing songs, painting, seeing the world through her eyes… Parenting is magical. Parenting a three year old is fantastic. She was potty trained, she could articulate her needs and wants, she tried to make herself likable by us. By all means, the first year, those first many months, it was as dreamy as dating.
As we settled, the novelty wore off, but in turn we gained familiarity, comfortability, ease of communications, resilience is relationship, the desire and ability to make the other one happy. All these were then completed by the courage to speak up, with the confidence that the other will listen. The confidence to discipline, decisively and lovingly, with the confidence that the other will know and feel the love, and accept the boundaries, even after negotiation.
By all accounts, our evolution together has been smooth, rocky at times just to give it depth and substance, but filled with love and trust. We answer hard questions, and occasionally we say “let me think about this one”. We honor her with trust, and we value her mature spirit, even in the body of not yet 5 years of age.
It is a beautiful journey. And because it is mine and I find it special, I wouldn’t trade it even if I had the option to.
I have also been reluctant to adopt again. Similar fears. Would we be the good enough, right parents for another child. Would we be stealing anything from the oldest? What about the divided attention, divided resources, divided energy? Can we love them fully and completely? Can I love another just as much?
But I hear these fears are felt by parents who give birth to their multiple children. And it is a never-ending surprise that love abounds. That love expands. That there is enough love to go around, complex, full, rich, different and yet the same.
A long time ago I wondered and worried about being the best parent for a random child. What makes me the right fit, what the child needs. I have asked God to close the door if I am not the right parent. I have held adoption very lightly in my hand. It is terrifying and wonderful freeing to tell God you are willing and ready, but He can say no, and you will accept it.
I am starting to feel deeply the same about the little sister. My heart prays incessantly and yet my hands are relaxing the grip. We are where we are. Ready yet again. Ready in papers, in home and in spirit. And God leads the way, gently, quietly, faithfully. Faith is about what we don’t see yet.
Will is be challenging? – Most likely! Will it be doubly colorful? – Indeed. Will we be good parents for two kids at once? – We’ve learned things I thought we knew. It was humbling. It is real. But we have grown so much. And probably we’ll continue to stretch and grow and enjoy as well as survive the ride. Adoption is grand. Oh, if I could only be able to put in words the beauty of redemption, the pure love shared, the sense of undeserved yet lavish gift of child to parents, and probably the other way around too.
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