I’m aware oh how crazy it sounds when my daughter talks about having a boyfriend just as she steps into her teens. She is too young.
There are two options as I see it: I either create the context where she can talk to me about her feelings, the stir of new emotions, or force her to experience them in seclusion, wrestle with thoughts, and keep silent.
There is the danger of my coming across as endorsing this and letting it grow bigger than it needs to be at this stage. But I am not naive. We talk about integrity of mind and heart, about possible heartbreak, growing apart, growing up while maintaining such a friendship.
Here we are, in the present time, where connections have been made. Where do we go from here? And how?
She said last night that it’s often easier for her to say I love you to me than anyone else. I still hold a big place in her life, her heart, her mind. My generosity of love doesn’t compete with the interest of a boy. Which oscilate between selfish to generous to intense
Freedom to see clearly
And decide and step aside
Freedom to be yourself
And give permission to the other
To do the same.
You make big declarations
And I know you believe them.
I don’t want to spoil them
With my cynicism.
I learned this much
I can’t predict the future
And I have the forethought
to listen with curiosity.
Authentic relationship
Are motivated by curiosity not fear.
Take time to notice
Learn to be generous
Without losing yourself
Parents are here to protect and guide
And this is a learning experience for us as well
Pull back from the consuming emotions
Like weeding
And allow the fruit of the spirit
To produce in abundance
Forbearance
Patience
Respect
Sweet target
Safe context
Human flesh
You are not spared the reality
of temptation, rejection or loss
No matter how strong each of your will
You can’t promise yet what you don’t know
Though we allow it