Right before my period, I feel things differently. I usually go a few notches down in self-confidence. I second guess myself. I mean it’s more like doubt, even as I lean into it as an embrace of a humble sprit. Humility never hurt. It was familiar and comfortable and protective.
This month I have explored high highs, and I worry sometimes about the mistakes I make in oversharing when I feel overly confident. We made some great memories and were silly beyond the norm. We can have great fun, and because we’ve also felt the lows, we confronted a lot of our selfishness, polished their character, challenged ourselves and them to be better and do better, when we have just silly fun, we take it.
But as I listed these four impressions of the same phrase, and we had silly unencumbered fun, I felt a bit self-conscious. Is it appropriate of me to pretend to be flirty even in jest? I was too good of an actor and I felt like I gave permission to my daughter to be the same.
She has entered this stage of real flirty mode, even as young as she is. Ah, the balance of noticing what happens without stuffing it down. Not being afraid but curious. She is inocent in her understanding and belief, even as her whole self changes, evolves, matures. I hope I am a good guide, balancing the world, her world, and I am a beacon of trust and truth. She asks me what this or that means. I forewarn of changes and perspectives, of reactions and attractions, expectations and boundaries.
What do you do with attraction as a teen? They currently discuss it. Acknowledge it. And this is proactive and healthy I think… as long as it doesn’t open the door to explore it much further. Just because it will get harder to undo and unsee and un-feel. Attraction is addictive.
I hope they balance it with real life growth and self-development. May they continue to be, and make room for the other to become.