We love stories. We enjoy watching movies. We enjoy reading books. They are redemptive and enthralling, for young and old. Here are some more quotes from the “20-things…” book that reminded us to be intentional about our storytelling, to create a context and be aware of how Jaclyn begins to process it all.
“Experts differ on how to explain adoption to very young children. Many recommend using a storybook. Others encourage the use of fantasy and fairy tales. I found it fascinating to read what renowned psychologist and author Bruno Bettelheim has to say about the role of fairy tales in his book The Uses of Enchantment. He says, “The fairy tale takes existential anxieties and dilemmas very seriously and addresses itself directly to them: the need to be loved and the fear that one is worthless; the love of life and the fear of death. The fairy tale offers solutions in ways the child can grasp on his level of understanding.”
“I believe that the best fairy tale you can tell your child is one of your own creation. Take it on as a challenge! It can actually be a lot of fun. Make sure to include themes of loss (being forgotten), rescue (being found), and redemption (being worthy). Your goal will be to help your child identify with the main character of your fairy tale and enter into the story line in his imagination.”
“A fairy tale that becomes redemptive to a child of four or five will be revisited in his psyche at different times in his life. The right tale can have a profoundly healing impact for years to come. Fairy tales, however, should never be a replacement for your child’s actual adoption story. Make-believe stories are simply a tool for you to use in helping your child access sensitive feelings/beliefs about his own real adoption losses.”
“In the days following your storytelling, be keenly aware of your child’s play, for she may give many clues about what her actual beliefs are about her adoption. She may appear driven to retell the real story of her adoption and reenact the experience in play. She may blurt out her thoughts at strange times.”
“If adoptees continue to idealize people, they won’t learn that Mom, Dad, and all people are far from perfect. Realizing that neither birth parents nor adoptive parents are perfect and accepting them as human beings is part of maturing into adulthood. Adoptees would be stuck in childhood if they didn’t pass this milestone.”