They chose well for each other. In many ways inspiring me with their maturity and self-awareness, and well as ease in friendships and strong faith.
I don’t like giving advice, but as their god parents I have asked for permission to share the things that I wished someone shared with me before I got married. And I chose a few things that stood out in my mind. They seemed so happy to receive our vulnerability and stories and input. We do it to seldomly I guess. And our path across at certain points in life. I worry that we are too rare of a sight. But there is room for each to reach out. And when we meet the time is so rich and inspiring.
I observe their servant heart in their church community. Young people are drawn to them, and they show up even when it’s hard.
Now a year has passed since their baby girl was born. And it was a difficult year. As all parents know. Though for those who live in their own heads, who reflect to breathe, artists, creatives, who are easily overstimulated by physical touch …those make a considerable efort to adapt to parenting. It is humbling. It is transformative. We definitely outgrew our shell. Me and her.
I found myself sharing this piece of our surprising challenge so late in life, namely dishes and the expectation of cleaning the kitchen. Though we share the load, and we make it look easy, I had entered this rut of a thought process that nobody cares to help cleaning the kitchen at night. Because I like to do it early, right after dinner, so I can enjoy the evening, Conrad likes to clean the kitchen at the very end of the day. But that left me noticing it and jumping the gun to always clean, and after years of this, my family expects it, subconsciously. And then I became resentful. Leaving it uncleaned once and finding it smelly in the morning only made it worse as it confirmed my suspicion. But I hadn’t asked said anything about it in advance, like my expectation or need to share the load. Certain thoughts started germinating in my mind about life in general and how nobody cares and I have to worry about everything.
In the dead of winter something shifted, like a seismic events. My anxiety imploded, and I thought I’d be better off alone, cause then I would have no expectations. Climbing out of that hole was slow and steady but Conrad was willing and awake. I use my words early, before I get frustrated now. He listens early and also we make a point in helping the girls notice things that need to be done and not wait for someone to delegate.
As I shared a brief version of this story my friend expressed her gratitude for my specific stories and vulnerability in offering any piece of advice. Huh… it inspired and encouraged me greatly to hear her response. I forget my experience or vulnerability is valuable.
I mostly offer it to my daughters who receive it daily but I wonder of they are on an overload of info from me. They seem to take it all in …and they seek my company and we chat way too much every day. But they return the favor and they shower me with their gratitude and joy. And I still have a front row seat to their developing mind and growing heart.
I feel beyond blessed for the friends that we collide with such grace on a regular basis, new and old, and with each we stop and breathe the beauty of shared faith.