Not my merit

Is it the merit of the child who asks or the parent who gives?

When we pray and God answers, how powerful do we feel? We take comfort in the fact that the Creator of the Universe is our Father, so generous, quick to forgive and slow to anger, so very loving… but it’s not our merit! 

This Spring, talking about the postponement of meeting little sister, someone with the gift of prophecy, said we’ll meet her in September. My heart skipped a beat at the sound of her words. Though I have never heeded to proclaimed prophecy. And then I wrestled with it. As I sensed that my heart is desperate for answers, for clear promises, I feared that my faith is being placed in the wrong hands. As the 3 month milestone of the file being moved from one department to another, thus missing the September mark, I realized that only a miracle would make it so, that we’d meet little sister in September. It’s in God’s hands. It’s always been so. 

I wrestle with fear, with disappointment, with longing. But then I remember to give them all to God in faith. And painful at times, faithfully practice trusting in his wisdom and plans for us.

At Lacu Rosu, without insisting on it, keeping our pain of longing at bay, Brian has spoken in prayers our deepest desires, for our second daughter, what I’ve been praying silently for months. The familiarity of that prayer, only gently touched, would spring forth rivers of hot tears of joy and gratefulness wrapped with faith. The magic of prayer. It prepares our heart, to respond with presence and deep gratitude and emotions, even for the most composed of countenances. 

It is God who makes everything happen. We are just the receivers of blessings. Yet faith in prayer has its power.

In a season of shoulder to shoulder, companionship and serving, as husband and wife, we needed to take time to connect. To slow down and with reverence serve and love each other. But stress has its way of keeping connection at bay. So I prayed. I prayed that God would prepare my mind, my heart, my body, to encounter and delight in my husband. That very evening, the context of life became perfect. And God answered the prayer, and went above and beyond. 

I told Conrad afterword about my prayer. Both now familiar with the generous answer, he only smirked. And suggested I pray this often.