My birthday

It must be a gift 

This sense of generosity of life, the feeling that I received abundant love, so much so that for the rest of my life I only need to give it in order to be happy. 

My core belief is that i am deeply loved and safe. No, my parents weren’t perfect. As a teen I had a crisis of faith and was disappointed by how humble my family of origin is. But I knew enough to look in the right place for affirmation or to seek the truth. Faith played an essential role in my development and the knowledge of God. Im inherently hungry for knowledge and facts. And I pursued knowledge with the intention of it confirming my faith. I wanted to believe even when I was doubtful. 

Anyway, here I am, halfway through my life, having lived according to this inner sense of love. Not ease. Jesus endured the cross. Actually, my foundational favorite book as a teen was a journal of happiness written by a Romanian Jew who was imprisoned during communism. He was hungry for God. An intellectual who found his faith in the most dire of circumstances. We run away from discomfort, or any kind of pain. But embracing the pain, confronting it, passing through it is what brings us beyond, into pure happiness. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. He says so. And we ought to remember: He died on the cross. 

Last night I was praying with gratitude for the opportunities to serve and I prayed for the strength to live well, till the end of my days. Jackie’s response touched my heart, especially as it was a long and exhausting day. She thanked God that I was born on a day like this so I could adopt them and be their mom.