It’s so freeing to speak the truth.
I got on a zoom call to meet a new friend and see if I could help her set up a few private screenings of a movie she produced. A mutual friend who is too kind and sees the very best in everyone, she connected us.
I admit I fall into the same trap of assuming something is not as exquisite if it comes to you so easily. But I’ve always been one of those unassuming friends who likes to bless those who least expect it. And I am certain my friendliness was interpreted as not cool enough to be unapproachable. The time I spent in California allowed me to learn the friendly ways despite what others think.
When I got a call during dinner from one of the crew members, and didn’t answer, I thought to myself “what have I signed up for?” still feeling a bit overbooked and overwhelmed. I keep adding to my plate without taking anything off.
But as I met the producer and got to know her better I realized two things: I can be very honest with her and she is way cooler than I anticipated.
I told her I am recovering from a long season of burnout. I think I wanted to set low expectations. But I felt so light in being honest. I am not familiar with the movie industry, and I am not as connected to people as I seem. Also, I don’t have a team I can rely on, I don’t fully belong to a particular church or community and I don’t like to ask for favors.
Romanians come across as eager to share with you their contacts. Everyone knows a guy. But people are people. No matter who recommended who, some things fall through, and I don’t like the disappointment. I’d rather be told no, plain and direct, than to be lead the wrong path.
Anyway, I agreed to ask around if there are any venues that could host their private screening. The three places that know me personally said yes. More than I anticipated. She hoped for two. Then we went back and forth finding the best date and time for each, how to present it, posters and translations. Logos and boundaries and invitations overlap.
As I kept her in the loop and communicated clearly, though at times I felt like I’m not adding to the conversation I just carry back and forth questions and answers, we are at the stage where the venues are booked, the invitations are made and I’m excited about the movie to be shown to these different groups in Cluj Napoca. I realize I am good at this kind of work. Really good. And it is satisfying. Maybe the subject just resonates with me.
All my dormant sills of executive assistant work, of event organizing, of planning… I get so high on adrenaline it makes my heart flutter and my head spin & hurt. I get too intensely involved and I can’t shut my brain down. I have to work hard to switch gears and clear my mind, put all the great ideas off at night, even though the very best ones come and settle after a furry of thoughts swarming in my head.
I just got fresh energy as I closed some projects. And I realized this is what I need to do. I need to step away from at least 50% of the things I keep dragging with me because they don’t occupy my time full time. Only the inopportune times remind me that I need to let go. For example the money management for Jackie’s class. And translation work or team building for MomCo.
One year of Sabbath from most of it. There will be plenty activities to fill in the cracks. This summer the two family visits and the conference in Croatia are a priority. Also, I want to have time to do some book launches.