Author: Violeta

I find Jackie fascinating when I don’t try to control her behavior. She has a mind of her own, and she trusts her gut, she is confident, and usually right in social circumstances, albeit she is just a toddler. She asks for permission, she goes and knocks, visits and delights in her hosts, accepts anything…

It’s sizzling hot. The trees in our neighborhood are young and provide little shade. The mandatory day walks with our dog run short and behind the building shade.

– Mommy, are we poor? – Why do you ask? Did someone ask you? – No. I came up with this question all by myself. – Do you know what poor means? – Yes. It means to not have food, and to not have clothes… – And do you have food and clothes? – No……

“What did you do that was so effective?” he asks in puzzlement.

I don’t remember being depressed in the summer. January, February are the hard ones. What I remember is being extremely bored during my junior-high summer vacation. I find some similarities between that long-ago-summer and this one. Not my boredom is heavy. Jackie’s vacation and socializing needs on top of our diverse and time-sensitive projects.

“Nobody can force you to do what you don’t want to do” to quote a young girl, brought up by traveled, wise parents. And “dignity above all”.

I printed a photo book with Jaclyn’s first months with us. I captured her smiles, her curiosity, her cuteness. But her true rich joyous self is only now beginning to show.

Today we went to the dentist to get her first tooth filling. She was decisively brave. I remember deciding to be brave as a kid. The saying that courage is not the absence of fear, but the overcoming of it, was true ever since. She filled my heart, seeing her sit still out of sheer…

Good days and challenging days. Sometimes I get the feeling that we found our groove. Then we seem to jump off track. We role play the events of the day, and Jackie takes my role and processes what happened. Yesterday morning she spilled my coffee because she was too wiggly around me. In the afternoon…

“But I waaaaant (to do) this! (thing you already told me “no” to:)” She responds positively to smooth talking, even after a firm response, if I soften her down with an encouragement, or a joke.

We drove 160 km west one morning, and drove back the next afternoon. We spent an intense 24 hours filled with fun. A lovely reunion. A celebration. Jackie danced and 💃🏻 all night. It must have been a sugar high.