A decade ago she would cling onto me to stay a little longer. After the bedtime stories, we would pray and then she would ask questions. Sometimes the questions were triggered by the prayer. But mostly we would unpack the day. And we would talk. There were many times I longed to escape. To go to the other room and spend a quiet couple of hours with my husband to end the long day, watching a movie or reading. Many times I waited on the floor next to her bed, holding her hand, whispering her stories or telling her the truth about who she truly is, beautiful, brave, kind. And she would sleep soundly.
When Ivy joined us I set clearer boundaries to keep my sanity. One story, maximum two. We’d pray and I would leave the room before they were asleep. Ivy falls asleep fast even to this day. And they shared a room so they weren’t alone anymore. It worked out great. Ivy still invites me to pray with them every night. And I go 90% of the time. Other times I tell them they can pray without me. God hears even if I don’t witness their prayer. Sometimes we pray short other times we offload all our hopes & fears and I hear their heart in the most beautiful unfiltered way.
Last night I prayed for something that matters greatly to my eldest, even after my youngest fell asleep. And my prayers carried out of me like a dance, a free spirited movement of the mind. And J. quietly took it all in.
For the first time I prayed for this budding romance out loud. And she snickered, but let me continue. If I can’t bring this in front of God, then there is something fishy about it. So I confront my own heart and ideas and lay them in front of the One who already knows and sees all. And thus encourage her to do the same.
I prayed for his family for the first time. She giggled again. But I did use a funny tone because I don’t know what to pray for them.
And then, the prayer for him, this young man, a boy who likes my daughter, this poured like a full cascade of clear thoughts.
I prayed for his mind and character. May his choice of word and actions be honoring and bring out the best in both of them. May he be respectful and brave, and let this friendship be honoring to God. I thanked God for the gift of teenage emotions and interest & curiosity. It’s thrilling for sure, and God created it on purpose. May we observe our inner movement with curiosity and ease. An opportunity to learn restraint, trust and patience.
As I practically gave God a rundown of what I see and thanked Him for how beautifully he created the humans, and the teenagers, I thanked Him for the privilege to share this season with my daughters. And I told Him I am honored to be part of the conversations as they unfold.
We would not have this at 13 if we didn’t build it starting at 3, when we adopted her.
And as Ivy is 9, often maturing without our intentional observation, as she takes it all in from our daily debates with our eldest, I hope she will blossom in her own way, rhythm and context. She is so much like me …and as an introvert i found my voice & identity after my brother left for college when I turned 14.
May this birth order be a blessing for each of them.