Scrisoare către fiicele mele (2021)
My legacy – to see you! Truly see you. Different. In your splendor. Beautiful. As God created you to be.
Să te văd, Jaclyn. Să te văd, Evelyn. Sa te ascult cu o curiozitate proaspăta, iar tu la rândul tai sa vezi, sa simți, sa Asculți la fel.
Sa te învăț sa te rogi. Sa te îndrept spre Dumnezeu.
Se spune ca trebuie sa ne lăsam copiii sa zboare, sa-l găsească pe Dumnezeu in pustie. Dorința inimii mele e ca voi sa zburați pline de curaj. Cu încredere ca Dumnezeu e cu voi. (Exod 33:16) ce ne deosebește daca nu compania lui Dumnezeu cu noi?
They say you will leave me but, my love, free will is what God gave us as his most extravagant gift.
Liberă alegere. Vă iubesc. Si vă doresc in viața mea. Dar sunteti libere!
M-ați întrebat dacă e greu sa fii mamă.
N-am să vă mint. E foarte greu. Dar am ales sa fiu mama voastră cu inima și ochii larg deschiși. Nimic altceva nu ma surprinde, decât limitele mele care mă determină să trasez consecvent limite sănătoase și vouă.
Va iubesc. Și va las moștenire curajul meu, credința mea. Bucuria mea și slujirea.
Deși in activitățile zilnice va prioritizez, cu rutina zilnică, povesti, mâncare, școală, muzică, dus și adus din oraș, nu sunteți centrul vieții mele. Și ce bine ca știm asta.
Ma întrebați: Pe cine iubești cel mai mult? Și tot voi răspundeți: “pe Dumnezeu cel mai mult, apoi pe tati, și abia apoi pe noi doua la fel de mult.” Și cred ca înțelegeți acest mister. Va pot iubi curajos, clar, puternic, sănătos, doar pentru ca nu voi ci Dumnezeu e centrul vieții mele.
Va jucați zilnic de-a mama. Și îmi spuneți cu încântare ca și voi veți adopta copii. Am bătătorit împreuna un drum nou. Am învățat împreuna. Nu știu ce vă va aduce viitorul, dar la 37 de ani ma ma gândesc cu încântare la viitorul meu posibil rol de bunică (la fel la Naomi), sa va răsfăț și eu copiii așa cum va răsfață bunicii voștri.
Inima mea e lipita de Dumnezeu. Și mărturia asta e moștenirea ce v-o las.
Poate ca iubirea mea profundă pentru Dumnezeu și relația autentică cu voi, cel puțin va va intriga să îl cunoașteți pe acel pe care l-am iubit și slujit cu toată inima.
http://cvaltmann2009.blogspot.com/2009/08/my-legacy.html
Monday, August 17, 2009
My Legacy
My legacy…
Holding baby Caleb in my arms, I often start praying for him, almost involuntary. This innocent, fragile creature will grow up to be a strong man, to honor God, to bring glory to Him.
I also think about my parents, and the legacy they entrusted me with.
What parents don’t dream to see their children grow to be healthy, accomplished, successful, respected, admired, and with a strong faith in God, the Creator of Heaven and Earth?
What my parents told me about school was that, whatever good grades I take, I do it for me and for my better future, and it’s OK to …not be perfect.
My social training was: watch how we do it and learn. The only quiz will be the real world. But the most important thing my parents wanted to leave with us (me and my brother) was the love for God.
I accepted God into my heart when I was 12, when I acknowledged my sins, and one evening I felt so lonely and weak, and I thought: if there is an Almighty God, Omnipresent, Omniscient and Loving, I want Him to be my full time friend. And so the deal was sealed.
I am very much aware of my weaknesses, of my shortcomings, my inadequacy, but they don’t really matter, do they? Since it’s not about me! Sometimes I think I have it so easy, when times get hard, I can just do my part as best as I can, and I let God deal with the hard part, making things happen.
I LOVE God, I am in awe of Him, and I think he is so cool, so amazing, and so weird in the same time: patience, forgiveness, the ultimate sacrifice, what?
Here comes the good part.
I have been prepared in stages, for my meeting with Conrad. And he proposes to me, and in a few months, he takes me with him to the other side of the world, far away from my people.
The first year of our marriage has been exciting and challenging, and I dare say happy, but looking back I realize that we tried our best to see the good parts in it.
There has been depression due to work, financial struggles, a long process of adaptation to a new culture and its day to day expectations and demands, the language barrier, that is expressing yourself in an intelligent manner at the work place, verbally and in writing, fighting… that is: expressing intense emotion when misunderstandings occur even when two people speak the same mother language, missing home, missing my small group of girlfriends, and the talks we had… and the list continues.
How in the world could I have made it if I hadn’t had my best friend, God, to argue with in whatever language I felt like arguing in, to cling on tight when everything else seemed to be just a blur, to believe in when my faith felt weak, to feel paralyzed with fear and yet to take the next small step ahead, because taking a step back was not an option…
Two weeks ago I started my new job, and in many ways it was a leap of faith, but God has prepared me for it for a few months. There is no better insurance than knowing that if/when all falls apart, God is still your friend and Almighty Wise King.
I feel like I could conquer the world, because God is by my side.
And holding little Caleb in my arms makes me daydream about holding my own babies, and passing on to the the same legacy my parents passed on to me. All I pray for my future children is that they will represent God and his Kingdom with honor. I can’t wait to share with them my love for God, and love them to pieces.
That’s my legacy.