At 18 I received a fantastic book from Brian, titled “what’s so amazing about grace”. After the lemudim camp in Valea Draganului, I took the train by myself, I was 19, and traveled to Suceava. I read the whole time. My english was not great and got probably 80% of the book, but I devoured it.
I grew up in a christian home, and the church had its many issues but I was spared the drama as the first line of defense was my parents’ genuine belief, authenticity and love. At just the right time, as I had an awakening and started to question my indoctrination at 13-14, I diversified my reading and my doubts were not turned against me but they worked for me. The questioning is an essential part in building a solid foundation. Be grateful for it when you witness it in others. No matter the tipic. At 14 I met a group of missionaries who were vulnerable, and fun and genuine, and shared their life stories and brokenness and redemption. And it occurs to me now that diversity and freedom and grace are essential in building one’s faith. I did not have the same life trajectory as my parents. And they were ok with it.
Philip Yancey wrote some revolutionary books, foundational, with a keen understanding of the human doubts and worries and sin and grace. As I read his memoir “Where the Light Fell” I am rattled by the extreme religious effects on families, the burden of a single mother thinking that she hasn’t sin in decades when her bitterness about life overwhelmed her sons, I reflect on my own take on faith and motherhood. Humility gives way to flexibility and reflection, pulling back sometime, making space for grace and knowing that I will never have all the answers.
I am so grateful for the broad experience and perspectives my kids have. They have even experienced three type of households, their family of origin, the foster home and their current childhood home. As they grow into adulthood they can choose how to live. I am most concerned about erring on the overbearing side. I open my hands consciously, to let them explore the world and see for themselves. I love hearing about the conversations they have with friends, colleagues, neighbors and cousins. With adults and youngsters. With international friends and local ones who never left the country. And they have attended all kids of churches, though I think there is room for even more diversity, to go in an honor different kinds of rituals, and see them through the eyes of our different friends.
Bottom line is that I am an outspoken believer, and pursue integrity with everything I am and I do.
The greatest enemy of faith is hypocrisy. May we never forget that.