We knew this transatlantic trip will be life changing for Jaclyn. And for us alongside with her. At this age she receives everything most naturally. And I hope this childish bravery, flexibility and adaptability will never disappear from her DNA.
She watches us and follows in our footsteps. She hears us and then she speaks up for herself. As I lay my head on the pillow every night I pray that we set a good example for her. The rest is beyond us.
She speaks better English than I did when I was 13. She asks me or daddy “ how do you say this in English?” And to my delight daddy knows most everything she asks.
When you speak the truth, the beauty of it is that it stands tall in ay and every context. And so when she is honest about her feelings and thoughts, directly or through play, it still catches me off guard because she is so spot on.
The other day she pushed a button on the Ewing machine when I was fixing some pants and the sewing speed changed and the needle broke. I told her “please leave” containing my frustration in heavy silence. She started wailing and I told her I’m going to join her in loud crying. She went down the hall in our room. Then she popped her hand out and said: “I forgive you!” Mind you, I’m just processing this, I’m not declaring that this is how things should be handled. I’m just retrospecting.
It’s not your turn to forgive. It’s my tun now for you broke my needle.
She came to me and said: “do you still love me?”
“Always!” I answered.
“Then do you forgive me?”
Whenever we have an argument she clings onto me or daddy and hugs us tightly. She often asks “do you still love me?” And it’s such a disarming question. I caught myself tell her that I love her no matter what. Nothing could change that. I love her even when she makes mistakes or breaks something despite me telling her no to, even when I’m upset or cranky.
There is a sense of detachment between my parents and me. Some psychologists tried to figure me out (including during the adoption evaluation). I love my parents and I trust their unmovable love for me, but I don’t feel responsible for their emotional wellbeing, or their happiness in life. On the contrary, if I was on the fence, my mom encouraged me to pursue my own path. Her one desire was that I won’t forget God for my own benefit.
Jaclyn has willingly gone to Sunday school for pre-k, has opened up to the adults she felt she could connect with, especially if they have animals. I think she has such healthy boundaries. If someone gets too close into her bubble she hides away in my arms. (Sometimes she whispers in my ear: “I’m a little shy”) But if someone comes down to her level and waits for her to take a next step, she does respond.
She started telling us secrets, whispered in our ear: “the iubesc! Or “I love you!”and that warm tickle of her breath is beyond sweet.
Jaclyn does the dishes with Grampa every chance she gets. I wonder what is it about Grampa that she absolutely adores! He gets on his knees and plays with her with undivided attention, makes faces, enters her world, plays at her pace, uses goofy voices, has clear boundaries and with utmost kindness he says: “no right now” and she accepts it.
Because of Grammie and Grampa Jaclyn has made incredible progress in speaking English, sharing a home while here, interacting with them daily. They have read her bedtime stories when I worked late, and went with Grammie to run errands. Enjoying this adventure to its fullest.