The way we discipline

I have said it before, that my parents didn’t have a defined plan in how to raise us. They were not parenting book based in their approach but they were intuitive, wise, adaptable. They made mistakes and the mistakes were just as valuable as what they did well. 

My one frustration is that they would snap at something I did wrong but they never told me their expectations, or didn’t set boundaries. I made me overly aware of my actions, and treaded lightly. I still do. I live with the feeling that there are social norms I’m not aware of. But if their disciplining was not planned, it means the consequences were not premeditated either. I would get yelled at it the moment, or spanked as a kid (especially when I’d fight with my brother and mom would solve it efficiently becoming out common enemy). But I don’t think my parents ever said this word out loud. Consequences. It’s not it their vocabulary. 

They are easily manipulated by the grandkids because they are much softer and unaware of how to set the rules. 

BUT! There is a big but. I have never tasted the sting of punishment. Punishment is outside of my emotional and spiritual vocabulary. And it has shakes who I am as a believer. As a Christian. God is not vengeful. Natural consequences happen but He never dishes out planned hurt for us. What a blessing to believe this wholeheartedly. I feel it deeply in my bone that God is good. I know this truth. And I know hHe delights in me. He sees me. He hears me. He is for me. 

As a parent, I pray I can set this foundation for my kids. We are more organized with our disciplining, and I am compensating with clarity, anticipating the experiments and boundary testing. I hope our use of consequences won’t cause my kids to feel like there is a punisher, but a just and wise and loving God who is for them and never against.