I read a lot lately. And my mood is influenced by what I’m reading. The last book I finished talks about brokenness and it brought me into a bit of a funk. As odd as it might sound: I liked it. I enjoyed it. It was real.
The book ends in a grand way. Two friends talking. One of them sharing her vulnerable heart, natural, assumed, real. The other one says: “you’ve never done that! You’ve never shared your hurt heart voluntarily. Probably that’s why I never felt life were are truly friends?” The friend that just shared was shocked of such a statement. How many times has she been a supporting friend, a listening ear, eager, efficient effective, available. She was basically offended. She just didn’t want to burden the other friend who was doing so much, and was pulled in so many directions.
After tasting the joy of vulnerability, and most likely took it for granted, in safe contexts with wise vulnerable people. The context of Psalms, the church… Once you taste it, it’s hard not to miss it. But life happens and even after experiencing Tabor, we go back to our mundane lives and harden a bit in our shells. It takes energy and intentionality and vulnerability to remain open, and stay close. Trying not to burden others is my Achilles’ heel. How many times do I need to hear from the close friends that when time comes, sharing my brokenness wouldn’t burden them, on the contrary, it would bless them. It would crate intimacy, life, friendship. Because on the other hand, we can’t make up brokenness in those good seasons. Pushing people away though, it is probably more hurtful than being vulnerable with all the mess.
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School is basically out. We will commence it with a road trip to the mountains for the weekend. On more day left. Jackie feels connected, happy, grown. It was a good decision to pick her up from school at noon. It gave us a few more possibilities to go swimming mid day. To go to the park, to go out for dates. She hasn’t stress picked her lip from the moment she stopped sleeping at school. And the day we started swimming again for the month, her body relaxed, her attitude softened, she became responsive and generally happier. If only we had eyes to see clearly always.
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I started a new book. Kids and spirituality by Lisa Miller. I read a snippet online and I was hooked. I even loved it from the first page, the intro page. It confirms my childhood. I always wondered why I felt so grounded, so composed …my grandma said I have an old soul. Maybe. But there is more to it. Kids are very spiritual, and in the last decades parents leave this area to chance, because they don’t feel they have the right answers. This sends a message to kids, you want it or not. Ignoring a topic does not make it go away. I personally have been encouraged to explore and understand my spirituality, and got pretty clear guidance in my faith, but have also been given ample freedom as well to journey inwardly. It’s not by my own wisdom that I had such a good childhood and adolescence …I was surrounded by Grace and Divine Providence. May I be a tool to share the same Grace with my kids.