I’m storing in my heart the incredibly kind things Jackie says to me. But my heart is full, so as to not forget, I’ll store some of her quotes here as well.
She is about to turn 13, and we talk honestly about everything. She asks questions and shares her heart and listens well. Out of the blue, this morning she said: “I think we’ll get along very well throughout my teen years”.
I know she sees me as cool, though the eyes of kind engagements as well as the eyes of her friend.
Unexpected hugs. Kind smiles. Words of affirmation.
She isn’t the initiator usually
But these days she is beyond generous
with her expressions of love & appreciation
for us. For me as her mom.
“Is it just me or we get along really well?”
Of course I feel it too. I see it too.
I delight in our getting along well.
“It doesn’t happen out of the blue.
We built towards this together”
“I think we’ll always get along well.
Even during the teenage years
When everybody says they are stormy”
When I hear you declare this with such faith
With ease and confidence
I do believe you.
I believe you want and plan for us to get along well
So half the work is done.
We’ll see about the ease into independence
The different perspectives
But I believe the same
So far we’ve done our due diligence
To grow together
To love each other well,
with respect and kindness.
You trust me. I feel that deeply.
You love me and you respect me.
All this is reciprocated.
Since you were a kid
I offered you my trust
In who you are and you you were becoming
I shared lavishly my love
And I treated you with respect
For your space,
preferences and opinions.
I didn’t rush you
but I waited for you to see where I was coming from.
It paid off every time.
“You were so cool ever since you were young”
Jackie is looking through my albums
From when I was 19-22.
“And you were very beautiful.”
We talk a lot about beauty
How it’s perceived by others
And how it makes us act a certain way
When it is always highlighted
I told her I didn’t know I was beautiful.
I look back and I see I was
In a way
But because I didn’t believe in it then
I focused on more lasting traits
And this is what I wish for my daughters.
Outer beauty is a shallow but dangerous trap
We can acknowledge it and move on quickly.
And dig deeper for character and strength
Values and high standards. Wisdom and knowledge.
“Your girls look so much like you!”
The phrase we hear often.
We actually hear it all the time.
Yes. They resemble us, me.
The way they smile
The look in their eyes.
Their posture and style.
Jackie has had many opinions about this comment over time.
She used to find it empty or a bit annoying.
Being compared. To us. To her sister.
But two days ago she said:
“If you, me, my sister and our bio-mom were in the same room
I think everyone would say we resemble you more than her”
What an interesting idea. I never thought about it.
She definitely wants to be associated with me
That’s what I gather.
I did not know where her setting that scene was going:
Us four in a room.
But there we have it. Her delight in resembling me.
Her belief.
She leans on me in pictures. She gravitates towards me.
I talk about her more at this age
because of the evident and dramatic transformations.
Ivy is sweet and eager to help & to please us
I push her to see the option of another way
To say no, to let her sister do her part
I embrace her and I ask for my space when I need it
Reassuring her of love even in an aparent rejection.
She is a hugger.
She is a natural beauty,
A serene smile on her thiner lips, like mine,
She sees details and notices others and situations
Structure and color
More than words and sounds
She learns as we go
And loves to be a discreet attache
To any and all conversations
She is learning more than I could guess
And because Jackie is asking all the questions
Ivy would probably never ask
It’s win-win.
She gets the answers
I speak only once
And all three benefit from a lifetime of answers or wisdom.
I said things to Jackie over time
And now I hear them repeated. Verbatim.
She internalized it all.
It was not in vain. Everything I said is sprouting.