I learned of remembered  a few things this fall. It is important to step off the stage, to be silent, to listen to God. 

As an introvert, this year I have been focused outwardly, to the point of depletion. Everybody needs something everyday. I was not meant to fill or meet every need. While giving is energizing, speaking from the heart is fulfilling, there comes a time when the land is frozen, and the seeds need to sleep to die, to germinate. Winter can be a fruitful season in its own way. A necessary season to be sure. 

I love to meditate, to ponder thoughts, to reflect on life. When too much time had gone by without such time to reflect, I get confused, tired, lost. I get insecure in my thoughts. And that’s not a familiar feeling. 

I need to step off the stage. To get a grip on what matters. On the essence. 

Last night, as Livia got home, I served her and my migraine ridden husband soup. And we chatted. The girls joined us and they were delightful. In ways I didn’t see before. Jackie was funny, with her tall takes. Ivy was funny with her insightful comments, wise beyond her years. Seeing my daughters through Livia’s eyes, and seeing how loved by Livia they feel, her pure joy, listening to then, her hugs and kisses… both girls talk a lot about her, they remember her fondly and she has a very special place in their hearts. Even if we see each other rarely due to distance. 

Anyway, here we are in France, house sitting. Taking walks into nature or the old town. Sitting by the pool. Shopping for delicious diverse cheese that is cheaper even than romania. Conrad is working this morning. The girls are playing the piano. I’m braving  the pool because, basically, the mosquitoes haven’t awoken yet. 

We’ll shop for fruit this afternoon and this momentary peace is heaven like. I was reluctant to come. This summer, our trip here got cancelled. Livia has been stretched this and I didn’t want to add to her exhaustion. But as it turns out, socializing in the evening after she returns from work, we make the best of it. We pray at night with the girls, we sing, we chat and hug and kiss three times on the checks like the provincial French. 

The world is on edge. We don’t have it all figured out. Those who think they stand tall, let them be mindful so as to not lose their balance and fall. Before I can focus outwardly again, to try and help others, I need to reset, recharge and put my own oxygen mask first.