Conrad stepped in, but not before dumping on me his frustration or worries. This is due to the fact that I’ve been playing interference as a parent (as a mom of daughters) for too long. I communicate with the girls, I listen to their concerns and objections, we reach agreements. I do this without much self doubt because I know I can easily err on the firm side, with authority.
I told Jackie that I can’t cover for her with the regular exceptions. They are not even worth the sweat. She pushed her curfew by 15 to 30 minutes, either because her friend was about to leave for camp or just returned from camp, or she went on a trip or just returned, or it was too hot all day and went out late.
When Conrad asks and I say: “I made an exception” I hear myself and it’s not even funny anymore. Every evening they meet (because we’ve had weeks off, one of them being away) it has been an exception to when they should come in. Ivy took full advantage and frolicked with the other kids till 10 one hot weekend, racing their bikes up and down the street. I’m glad nobody got hurt. It’s so easy to make mistakes when tired and in the dark.
Last night when Conrad said it is final, no more exceptions, it was because Jackie pushed it more than before to 10. At least she called… me. Though he texted her at 9 that it’s time to come home and she was across the field in another neighborhood. He made good points, about it getting dark earlier while they are in another neighborhood and the fact that if something happens we cant reach them fast enough. We don’t know at all the people who live in that neighborhood and our kids are two girls 9 and 12.
I talked him down from his wild imagination of all the bad things that could happen. I gave him credit for his instinct and clarity, and encouraged him talk to the girls short and concise.
Worrying too much about not disappointing other kids, or our own kids even, for a few extra minutes every night, is not good for my racing heart. I want to be responsible and reasonable. But when I told J that one day she will be grateful for dad’s protective instinct or our boundaries, she asked: “but what if I won’t be grateful?”
Yes. That is a possibility but we won’t know until she has her own kids. And it is not my goal: her gratitude in 20 years. I do the best I can and so does Conrad for their wellbeing and safety even when they don’t appreciate it.
I may have slipped into the understanding friend mode and it is to my detriment as a parent when I step away from being fun and understanding.