Rant in blocked care

Am I the only one who cares?

When the floor is covered with a day’s clothes, mixed with toys, and books… and these are just the big items. Sprinkled between there are lego men and kinder egg toys. 

Every single day. I sort through the clean and dirty socks, I sort toys, I make beds, I pick up puzzle pieces. 

I vacuum chunks of dirt that rufus cleaned out of his paws and left by couch, or sprinkled dirt out of everyone’s forgetful shoes: in the spring we gather much of it hiking. 

The kitchen is a war zone after every meal. I’m not sure how crumbs multiply lately. 

For years I’ve picked up stuff without thinking twice. Now I grumble under my breath because it doesn’t seem to get better. I empower my kids to do their part. Nagging or simply reminding is worse for me than doing the job quietly myself. 

I ask them to try again, paying more attention or with respect. They grumble. And I wonder if they reflect my own heart in the process. 

Jackie needs to put her brace on first thing in the morning, and at some point do her back exercises. I have to remind her every day. If I say nothing, nothing gets done. 

We slipped into codependency. We tried too hard becoming too soft. We are tired. We let things slip. And then we get discouraged. 

The other night the girls had a sleepover and I offloaded my heart. Scared the crap out of Conrad. 

When a strong and self-sufficient mom (woman) says she’s tired and can’t carry on the same way, the people around better pay attention. My call for help is my rockbottom. 

In all this mundane exhaustion, I realize I could buckle down for a more grateful heart. I want to serve my people as if I serve God. 

I take a step back every day. Let go of some. Let go if the things I can’t and am not supposed to control. Answer all the inane questions. Over and over again.  

A good foundation o learned in TBRI says: CONNECT, EMPOWER, CORRECT. The challenging for me is to still believe and stick to it. Even after months of one step forward two steps back. 

I dread the persistent explanatory questions. Why? Why is that? How? I don’t understand! Who? Why? Why? How come?

They drive me crazy because I answer these question but it is never enough. 

This rant started with Jackie waltzing around without her corset. She’s been taking sabbaticals from Wearing it. And her back is getting visibly more twisted. Unless I tell her to put it on or to Sit up straight, she doesn’t do it. Conrad dreads nagging her about it too. So it seems that we’ll all pay the price of we don’t stick to it.