No more social bandwidth

An old friend from California popped into my mind. I haven’t spoken to her in a year. But I trist she trusts my heart that nothing went wrong in our friendship, it’s just that I have no more spare minutes in my day to reach out to anyone else.

A study I read recently says that we only have a limited capacity. Maximum 150 friends. I imagine it as a circle and sometimes people who leave farther away, they also migrate to the outskirts of the circle. Because I treasure the personal connections, the acquaintance style friendship doesn’t feel quite right. I have pangs of guilt when I can only smile and nod in a large group. I wish I could slow down and have meaningful conversations with everyone and I end up having none with anyone.

Our friends got back from a month long trip, and they worked hard during this time. Projects overlapping projects. I worry for them. Parenting keeps us from losing ourselves, even if saying no to some events or invitations feels inconvenient. I worry that if I don’t pair down our commitments and social engagements we will reach a boiling point and cancel everything. It’s harder to recover from complete burnout. If we only scorch a bit we can steal heal while standing on our two feet.

This fall I’m committed to co-organizing the ARFO summit and the mops city wide meetings, start mops for adoptive moms, start a podcast, take my kids to music school, to the dentist for braces, to the orthopedist for the scoliosis corset and kineto-therapy. Translate conrad’s Sci-Fi book. Meanwhile I chauffeur, I cook two warm meals a day, do the books for our business, and find time to swim, read and be a wife and a mom.

As an introvert I could cut out 90% of my social activities and be happy. May we be wise about life and be present whatever our calling and our activities.