I have felt God so real and so loving these past few weeks. So generous and silently reassuring that He has always been and is in control. My heart is bursting with gratitude and joy.
You life is a gift. Your entitlement is delusional. You did nothing to be born in a family that took care of you during the forming years of your life, namely 18+ years. You were swaddled, cradled, nursed, cleaned and loved with consistency and patience. And the reality is that it was all a gift.
How do you really feel about your “inheritance” of name and status?
Jaclyn herself is a gift to us, and we feel lucky and honored to be able to love her and care for her. It reminds me of the time when Conrad and I met and fell in love. Both of us felt that we were the lucky ones to have the other one love us. We still feel the same today.
Imagine you are a child waiting for a mom and dad. At the mercy of the grownups who, despite trying to do their best, they push papers and navigate laws. And in the midst of this, Conrad and I came especially for you. We patiently waited and prayed and loved you relentlessly before we even knew your face. And we gave you our name, our citizenships and our love. Wholeheartedly. God answers prayers. Open handed prayers. And in turn we are a hundred fold blessed.
I just went to a wedding, and listened carefully to all the blessings in the orthodox ceremony. I was discussing with Conrad the advice to “not stop the children from coming to you”. The children that God wants to send you. We were very young when we got married, and we took a risk not going on the birth control pill (not out of biblical principle, mind you, but because i tried it for a week and it messed up my hormones and emotional balance to the point of freaking me out, and I had no faith nor patience to find the right dose, as the doctor suggested) but we used the calendar method to delay having children, if God willed it. Learning years later that we can’t have kids together, had we purposefully prevented it, we would have had a hard time living with our interceding. As we don’t know if azoospermia was always an issue or it occurred later, due to the cancer. God doesn’t make up rules just to ruin our fun. There is a purpose for anything and everything God has ever commanded. We just ought to trust Him when we can’t fully understand. That’s my theology. And today I can live joyfully and confidently with myself.
Jaclyn was meant to be our daughter. I have no doubt about it. And love can heal, blossom and nourish the heart and mind of a little girl. God must have a wondrous story to write alongside with her, and we are honored to be part of it. This young woman will change the world. I know it.