I wasn’t vocal about my intuition as a kid, because I didn’t want to be shut down, mocked, dismissed. I guess I kept quiet a lot because I didn’t want people’s input. Though there is something to be said about brainstorming, and exposing our thoughts, bringing them into the light, to challenge them, and objectively refocus.
By God’s grace I was never far off the trail. Often I saw clearer than the adults because my motivations were not selfish, fearful or prideful. I understand it often sounds off-putting, but I used the Bible as compas and honestly asked God to search my heart and correct me and course correct my ways.
One of the popular personality tests affirms now intuition as a strength. So I finally came into my own, owning it.
In reality I’m very stubborn. I understood the game as a kid. Did what needed to be done, responsibly, so I can do what I believed in, what I wanted to do.
I wanted to be obedient, but my beliefs and determination were clearly defined deeply within me. I kept quiet. I enjoyed anonymity. But I saw deeply. Very early on.
One thing I still struggle with, is the recurring message that my opinion is valuable, that I do have something to say, when people make ample room for me in the conversation… it takes me off guard. Every time.
And maybe, just maybe, I don’t even need to get comfortable with the belief that I’m important. And just be. Keep doing, keep showing up, keep believing.
I’m not important and I don’t need to be. People’s praises are confusing, unreliable, but God’s delight in my heart is consistent. Follow his lead in my intuition. And never cease praying that He uses my gifts, and not let them go to waste, by investing them in worldly accomplishments or hoping they can give me a false sense of financial security. I have lived enough for a lifetime to trust His faithfulness, His voice, His delight, His calling. The silence at times, is to keep me grounded, humble, calling on Hin, waiting on Him. God speaks. May we always have ears and the heart to listen.