There isn’t a map to precisely navigate these emotions. I spend lavishly every last ounce of energy, excitement, patience, then I accumulate information, and I do everything in my power to keep up with the proper rhythm of it all (be that I have to slow down, slow and steady can be hard).
Yesterday we had another appointment with the notary and we had to coordinate with the authorized translator to come to the office with us. Then we went to the Child Protection office to drop off some papers. Jaclyn has not come home with us yet. Every morning feels like a teenage drama …my stomach is in knots as we get ready to drive for an hour to spend time with our daughter. The daily commute in traffic is taking its toll too. My back is tight, I may have a pinched nerve in the back of my neck and my whole back is sore. I am also losing weight. These are just bodily reactions. At an intellectual level I feel normal and have a clear head, but my body says otherwise. It says that am going through the most dramatic emotional transformations.
Jaclyn now acknowledges her new name and declares it proudly. Then when someone asks what is her mommy’s name, she says “Violeta”. And today, as we had to leave and go back to work, she said she wants to come with us. …Soon. Soon, our darling girl.