I hope I will never forget that we all have a unique way of experiencing even the same story. And that I will never assume or project my own limited take on things on others.
I have been stretched and easily angered by everyone else other than the adoption crew. I tilted the balance to keep it together where I thought it matters.
Many people ask questions about our adoption story. This is really hard for an introvert. I already feel like I am diluting my own emotional journey by talking endlessly about it. Blogging is talking in a vacuum, and it actually helps me process…
Today, just as I sat down at the end of the day, in my comfy clothes to enjoy a yogurt, I got a call from a girlfriend asking in a panic if I can meet her in town. I tended to worry, but didn’t have the energy to actually do it. I finished my yogurt, changed back into outing clothing, and drove to the chosen location.
As I arrive, I look through the window and it looks crowded and for a second I wondered what if the location is closed for a private party. The I recognized Coco. The girls have coordinated a baby shower for me, for Jaclyn. What a special thing this was. Just 9 of us.
Today we spent the afternoon with Jaclyn. We threw rocks and sang songs. She had a meltdown when it was time to leave from the side of the river, and would not budge. We pleaded, we negotiated, we tried to distract her… nothing worked. She had already thrown fifty rocks into the river and could have kept going all night it seemed. So I picked her up and I said it’s time, and we’re not negotiating. I told her Mommy and Daddy want what’s best for her, and she needs to trust us. She fussed and I kept going. Conrad then started singing “the wheels on the bus” and she quickly got into it, asking, “what’s next?” as Conrad invented more and more things on the bus.
I am grateful for all the disagreements and meltdowns we experience now. I feel like they actually prepare us for the real deal.
Today was full again. Very full. And Friday she comes home for the day. But with all that’s going on, today I feel better. My brain got some rest.