I dream of death

Jackie dreams of death.
Her death. Our death.

We carry heavy burdens
Of painful change
Of life and love.

There is sickness
to be dealt with
And as I sit in the dentist chair
Upholding my youngest
She is brave
And sits still through the procedure

She bonds with me
As I help her
To undergo the dental work

Somehow she knows
If for her long term health

Jackie hurts
While she is happy to have a sister
She also lost something
Our undivided attention
In the little things

We are undeniably grateful and happy
But our joy is deep down
Under all the split attention
And correction and sacrificial love

Ivy owns her emotions.
She lets us in,
But after enough talking and cuddling
She sends us away
So she can sit with her thoughts.

She reminds me of me
And I give her space
While always nearby
Ready to re-enter upon her call

Jackie is about to embark
On a new adventure
Uncomfortable, unusual
Her spine needs support
She was diagnosed with scoliosis

My athletic confident cool girl
A humbling blow
And as I was pondering it
I thought about God‘s heart for her
He wants an upright soul
And possibly the corset she must wear this summer
Is her soul straightener.

The other day we talked about God
And his longing for us
To turn to him
To invite him in our heart
In our daily life.
How we need him.

She was enthralled…
But she is proud
I dare say arrogant.
Like most 6 year old kids
Who tasted a bit of independence
Reading, writing
And they think they can do everything.
Without any more help.

She wants to enjoy the genuine confidence,
The certainty of a believing heart,
But in order to have that
She ought to humble herself
to accept such a gift.
To me it’s simple.
But she fights the vulnerability.

Ah, sweet girl,
Little does she know
That grown up people struggle
just the same,
Giving up control.