His distance gives her space to reflect. It is not painful to her. It actually is a blessing. Room to breathe, to think.
The relationship is not just physical attraction for her. I wonder if that was the turn the relationship took too early. Like following a roadmap, and having specific milestones, and directions, but she was really eager to get somewhere, or he was, curious, impatient, whatever, and you joined him, but now she started going further from the main path, from the actual journey that leads somewhere. This became an exciting detour, in and of itself fun and it felt right. Except it put a lid on discovery, self discovery, patently waiting for the other: reverent, respectful, reserved.
I saw she was not there yet. She didn’t crave it, or desire physical contact. But she went along for the ride because she had not explored that side of the map yet. We all go along sometimes. Just enough to get lost together I guess. Hoping that we could find our way back together. But if both of them are just as lost, chances are that only an awakening will do. A fresh start.
Maybe she is not as emotional and expressive as most women, but she is cerebral in a detached way from the craze of physical attraction. Because her cup is full. Because she is a kid with an innocent take on relationships. But even innocence can’t protect you from the natural progression of growing up.
She reflects on her attitude and she puts it so beautifully into words. If this relationship has to change, she has just laid down a stepping stone. Just like when he didn’t have the courage to come and meet you, but she didn’t leave. She could have. It was early enough, and in some ways would have been less painful, but the relationship hadn’t run its course. She still had many questions and curiosities about each other and the relationship- where it could lead, what it could teach her.
Well, in his words, his feelings changed after the camp. If I were to take a guess, as I have gone through this myself, the camp was enlightening and it helped him assess his life holistically. His own physical attraction and wild ride into getting a grip on his own feelings brought him to a kind of an overdose cured by the understanding of the place of God in his journey of becoming. This is the best next chapter of maturing. And if a relationship with a girlfriend is draining or distracting in a way that interferes with his spiritual journey, without apology, at this age, the romanic aspect needs to be downgraded to a lower importance.
My daughter is clearheaded, a bit sad to anticipate the change. But I hope neither will make the wrong choice just out of fear. Honesty is the best answer. Honesty with self and the other. It’s what I’ve been preaching all along.
It is ironic that his youth camp changed him last week. J is about to embark on a spiritual journey with the pastor and mentor that changed my life as a teen. Who knows who she will be at the other end of the week. I hope the raw heart brought on by the realization of what K meant for her, how he brought out great things to the surface, maybe it prepared her heart for some incredible reflection about spirituality and the journey of the soul. Her soul. I pray she is ready and willing to dive deep into the essential matters of the heart. Namely God. And then romance.