Gossip
Do you ever do it? What is it actually?
The first definition that pops up on google is this: “casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details which are not confirmed as true.”
We are all prone to it. To not engage in it is a matter of self awareness, self confidence, discipline and restrain, empathy along with a healthy dose of humility.
It has been my observation that the more idle ones life, the lack of purpose or real challenges, the higher the tendency to preoccupy oneself with others’ business.
Thus, the dissatisfaction with ones own life may be the cause of such habits.
So why do I care? Why do I give the time of day to such a subject? My interest is in how to protect oneself of the effects of gossip. How to not engage in it. How to stop when caught in the middle.
I was just dwelling on psalm 3. I was reading extensive commentaries on it, and the story behind it is Absalom turning against his father, looking to kill him, and the entire people of Israel turning against David, claiming that God has left him. How painful it must have been.
Gossip is like wild fire. It’s poison that tastes like honey at first. If you are not careful you won’t be able to discern its taste.
I don’t know what it is about discussing other people, that makes the conversation so engaging, like a downhill roll of stones you can’t stop. I try to avoid such contexts, as one needs a lot of strength and emotional detachment to call it out when it happens and stop it.
We long to be accepted, to share common ground, to be in with the crowd. And all you need is one gossiper in a group and it can transform the whole dynamic of it.
I have learned recently, just I was writing my own psalm 3, of How someone close to me has been discussing about us, with someone Conrad trusted. It was painful to connect in hindsight their attitude this year, with how they actually talk, and thus feel, about us.
The more you feed your mind with positive thoughts, the freer you are, the better you feel, the more generous you become. The opposite is a lot more aggressive, like a cancer, or like junk food. It takes months to become healthy, exercising and eating right, and it only takes a week to throw your health down the drain eating junk food.
The reality is that we continue our journey, and though gossip is painful, in the grand scheme of things, what others say affects the outcome very little. We have been judged and pushed and dragged before. And the best comeback is moving on free. Called to bigger things, though success is very subjective.
Now my own confession. Having a taste of gossip made me more self aware of what I silently condone and become an accomplice to, and what conversations I engage in. I am aware of crossing the line right away, even as I do it, and yet I can’t stop it. Then what I say or hear gains power and makes me want to avoid the people I’ve talked about. My character can’t reconcile what my ears or mouth engaged in, and the genuine friendship and love I feel compelled to share as I look people in the eyes.
The thorn in my side are the steamrollers, the pushy, bossy and the unaware. As I can’t be unkind to them, they take advantage of it. And there goes the vicious cycle. I feel the embarrassment they should feel when they cross all the lines. Calling them out on it takes a lot of energy and mental preparation. And there is no guaranty that they’ll hear.
It’s hard to swim against the current. It’s hard to keep your tastebuds clean and true, but whatever you do, don’t get used to the taste of gossip.