God, don’t waste my gifts

Don’t leave me stuck in my head.
In my discouragement.
In my depression.
Pull me out by my arm.
Throw me back into life.
Point me into Your direction. 

CS Lewis observed that war, famine & death ultimately brought out the best in people. Before I knew of this author, I had also instinctively detached myself of the devil, by giving him a persona. Easier to laugh at, to run away from. To not engage beyond minimally wise and necessary. Lewis mocked the devil, pointing out how pain actually brings forth life and spunk.

Today’s drama is the apathy of enough. The dullness, the torpor. We isolate ourselves, and feed on very little. We are not even hungry.

We need to tease our appetite, engaging with those different than us, taking leaps of faith outside our comfort zone.

I’m full to the brim of gifts, investments of knowledge and adaptability, diverse experiences and a broad range of friends across the world. How can it be that I feel so hopeless and useless at times?

I so often feel the displeasure of the Ecclesiastes… a favorite book of adolescence (when you feel everything is possible, and you boil with drive and dreams, yet you taste of the wisdom of someone who got to the top, who reached the destination).

I am too logical and awake. Sometimes I wish for an ounce of ignorance, sweet bliss of not knowing, not understanding.

And yet…

There is life beyond this. A turning point. Of dying to self. With gratitude. With generosity of spirit. Being a vessel that carries the gifts from above. Willingly. At times unknowingly.