See this smiling bunch? They are lovely and imperfect. And the best kind of family is not perfect but loving. 

They stretch their arms towards us, and invite us in a warm embrace. I have experienced such grace and curiosity and kindness among these people. 

Last summer I was so tempted to pull away. There was an invitation to come to a short memorial for a beloved matriarch. But the nagging thought that we always make the effort to travel made me bitter. I had to sit with the thought and observe and process and repent. 

From afar we make assumptions. About others people’s capacity or willingness. But we ought to make an effort to communicate love as well. 

My brother in law inspired me when he got off the couch to play Frisbee with our niece. It’s our second day here. I’m still jet lag. Our clothes hadn’t arrived. And I’m tired of playing with my own daughters. I’m not in the mood. But his grace and kindness moved me. Our nieces and nephews are our best mentees. Our kids see us daily and are guided, cared for, corrected and unconditionally loved. But our nieces and nephews see us rarely and even if they don’t ask with all the words. They long to enter our works. Be the cool aunt!  Be the cool uncle. Don’t make them perform, ask them to recite a poem or sing a song. The way our own aunts & uncles did. I couldn’t care less about them, then or now. They were selfish, quarreling, self-absorbed. Not all. But the majority. They didn’t care about what ad thought or had to say. And sadly this is the fruit they reap now. Their kids and grandkids don’t have a relationship with them. Tables do turn. 

I want to learn from their mistakes. And be a better aunt. A cool aunt. Wise and trustworthy and inviting. 

My parents and my in laws have already earned their badge of cool and generous and fun grandparents. Don’t know how they did it. Overcoming a lot their own past, I’m sure. 

We are not perfect. And we are not striving for perfection. But we want to be available and approachable and kind. It’s a good start I’d say.