They told us that the adjustment to our new life together is harder on the parents than on the child. Makes total sense. And I don’t deny it. Yet we are in the midst of an actual adjustment, of finding our place in the new formed family. I am stretching my mental and emotional endurance every day, like training for a marathon, going an extra mile longer every day.
And I gently correct, and I push back, but mostly, just like I learned in marriage, I also initiate. I initiate play time, story time, fun time.
We build trust, and if she is distressed she comes and sobs quietly on my shoulder for about 15 seconds. As she sits there, holding me tight, I reassure her, or I explain to het what happened, or I ask her to tell me, if she knows, what’s wrong.
I told her once or twice that in order to interrupt a conversation between daddy and me to say “excuse me!” And then ask or say whatever she needs to say.
Last night I was talking with Matilda who came to play with her, and she interrupted us with “excuse me”. I thought it was extraordinary.
She absorbs each new book I read to her and she starts saying the prayer before the meal, closing her eyes tightly. She didn’t use to do that at her foster home.