You’ve got to let them come to you.
This year with Jackie has been like that. Give her space. Be available. She’ll come to you.
I love the teenage years, challenging as they may be. She is maturing under my own eyes and we are building a strong relationship.
She is curious and challenges the status quo. All the time. But we are growing together in friendship and admiration and trust. Ivy is not far behind. She tries to keep up and she is always young and unaware. I wish she enjoyed this stage fur what it is. She turned 8 and she is delightful. When she finds her stride, her voice, her company, she shines. In English she has a stronger voice. Definitely. It was not just the states. It was Serbia this week as well. Spending time with Mila and David. She shines around younger kids.
I have kept quiet about our time together, about the girls progress, about life, because it has been uneventful. Restful. The occasional quarrels are quickly overcome, and we make peace. We find common ground and communicate. I sometimes get frustrated with my boundaries being trespassed. Disrespectful kids used to get a rise out of me. I thought my anger could send a message, I thought I can help by clarifying the wrong behavior. But as I tested this new approach with the girls, serenely declaring my position and removing myself from the frustrating situation clarifying I’m not engaging, it has been powerful. And freeing.
This is a season of soothing old wounds, of noticing what surfaces from time to time. A season of setting sand resetting expectation of letting go and being available. I reminded the girls I don’t like to nag them. I don’t want to remind them to brush their teeth before bed. I don’t want to have to tell them to put pajamas on. I want them to take responsibility and do it on their own.