I like control. I’m a good planner and I reap the benefits.
I had to learn to pull back and let others give it a go, take responsibility, distribute the work.
I am living on a prayer. And Keep busy. One lesson I learned and practiced as a teenager, when I was so anxious about tests and exams and angry scary teachers… I always did my part, Learned the best I could and I pleaded that God would grant me a clear mind to access the information I acquired during study. I studied hard but that was never a guarantee of success. I have gotten failing grades even though I studied the best I knew how. Especially early on, in 5th grade.
The last 6 years have been years go grace. We worked hard, but not in a traditional way. It take a lot out of me to see as relevant, valuable, productive work as something different than working outside home for 8 hours every day. Entrepreneurship is risky and pays off at odd times. It doesn’t always pay off. And it keeps you on your tows. You can’t roll with it out of inertia. As you can with some jobs at some point, after you learned the ropes.
Our design clients are dwindling. It’s an odd year. This pandemic. But I didn’t worry because we had savings to keep us going for a while if work dried out. This year has been slower. And yet, as we enter ed the fall season, and work from home and online school has become the norm, we realized our home is too small. There a lot of layers of exhaustion and anxiety and noise that pile up in a small space. The timing is right as a builder is finishing up a duplex across the street from two families we like, in the neighborhood we already live in, in an apartment. So after checking it out at different stages, and holding our heart lightly, not daring to dream, looking around in different parts of town, or in different counties, our heart settled on this one duplex. We met the builder, and made a nice connection. And as he put up the duplex online, for sale, we felt moved to make an offer. We negotiated and did our math and on Thursday we sing a pre-contract. We are at the limit of our finances and we’ll see how we’ll build our cushion for a living as entrepreneurs.
A client offered to pay us more for a project, as if God our Father says “here is some more money. I know you need it.” Without any expectations or words. We live by faith… as we figure out the next few months, the next few years. But God has such a sweet way to put our heart at ease.