About adoption

I went to a class about the love languages of kids.

Spoiler alert: they are the same five ones for adults, just all at once, in every way. The speaker mentioned physical touch and I remembered the facilitator of my post adoption support group saying that every time we get questions or comments about adoption, and our child is nearby, to smile and make eye contact with the child if possible, and definitely touch him: take his hand, caress his head, touch his shoulder. Make sure he feels your support and closeness, as questions, curiosities or comments could be uninspired or feel intrusive.

I asked J today how she feels when I talk about adoption. She answered with a huge grin: “ I feel great!”. Then I asked her if she likes to talk about adoption: “Of course!” she said. She even incorporates adoption in her play with dolls and tells everyone about adoption. Oh, beautiful, simple, idilic childhood. <3 — A good friend came over last night. Miss J asked our guest: “why did your parents adopt you?” – they just had me, they didn’t adopt me. “Ok, but why did they want you?” (Isn’t that fantastic!:) Then she would proceed to ask: “so why did they name you the way they did? Do you like your name? What does it mean?” — I just finished one of the best books. At the very end the authors describes a conversation she had with her adoptive son who was 8 at the time. With a tense voice he said: “Charlie says your not my real mom. That you are not my mommy at all, and that my last name is no really my last name.” The boy knew he was adopted and knew his story very well, and how much joy his adoption brought to them. The mom asked: “do you remember how much we prayed for you? Mommy, daddy and a lot of people?” He answers: “yes yes… but what’s the deal with the woman who abandoned me? Who is she?” The Mom realized the deeper question he was asking, about why the biological mom abandoned him, and took a moment to Gather her thoughts. Luckily she waited long enough because the kid answered his own question “I know! God whispered in her ear that you were crying for me!” — Jackie asked me occasionally how she came to be. And I tell her that she was born first and foremost as a thought in God’s mind. Perfect in every way. And then God laid a (coming down to Earth) path for her, forming her in a woman’s womb and in my heart, at the same time.