After a week of fog and rain, the sun is shining over the hill in front of our breakfast window. It’s already 8:30 AM. But today we don’t have to go to class. We only have the festivity. Jackie is still sleeping soundly. I can ear her breathing contently in her bed. Ivy is of course next to us on the couch, turning pages on a book of Macedonian fairytales. We just finished drinking coffee and I am considering shutting down this blog. It has been cathartic, but I can continue to write in private. This year has been on edge for the world. I have been wearing my emotions on my proverbial sleeve, writing them out, airing them out, unedited, unfiltered. It was a step into the light, and I feel better for it, but I don’t think it brought any value to the world. Speaking up about my inner world, freed me from all of it. But in the same breath I know I have a real ear bent to my heart, my husband and my friends and family.

I am putting aside all my self-reflection for the day, with one last hurrah. And as ivy has second thoughts about going to kindergarten, and is counting on her fingers the days she’ll have to go before it’s all over, I think of my big girl and how good it will be for her, albeit challenging, to gain more independence. We, as parents, tend to coddle our kids. We want to protect them, but loving them means to let them go a little bit at a time. So they have room and desire to return to us.

I think ivy doesn’t want to go into the school community because she had all her needs fulfilled at hime, including fun and social activities. The neighborhood kids, the sister, the movies and the books, the food she likes and the grandparents she loves. I am glad to see Jackie more settled in her social group and looking forward to the new year, with her teacher and her friends. There will be challenges but there will be also success and fulfillment and courage building experiences. May we be wise. May we be available. May we enter in this new season with courage and hope. We all need this change of pace, even if we don’t realize it fully now. Parenting has drained me this summer. Though we did better than last year. We see progress slowly when they are with us full time. We managed to work somehow, and the kids adapted well enough. And yet, the world is heavy, the world is challenging, the world is rather sad and emotionally unstable. I can’t imagine getting up every day and sacrificing so much just for the sake of this life. Parenting has been the most challenging endeavor but at the end of it all, I believe raising children, serving God, is the most fulfilling work of our lifetime.