Ignorance would have been bliss. Upon reaching the border with Serbia I discovered our technical inspection was expiring the day we were supposed to return, on Sunday. Cutting it close.
As I looked at all our options to cross the border with the car in a timely manner, I felt trapped, 550 km away from where we parked it in Serbia. And on a schedule with the team. I’m not one to break protocol or a promise or commitment. But I was so worried to get stuck behind the border with a car without a valid registration.
I prayed for peace like the apostles in the stormy sea. Driving up to the border felt like Peter stepping on water. In theory it’s easy to do, to keep calm and confident. That was such a good devotional to have fresh in my mind. The Romanian border guard and police officer initiated small talk like never before. They were beyond friendly. (We should have invited them to ROM.) It was a gift that they didn’t even mention or check online the registration. Even though our papers show today as the last day of registration, online it looks expired.
I believe God split the sea so we could pass. I am very grateful we could arrive home before midnight, and park the car at the vehicle inspection to be processed first thing in the morning.
It has been a week of learning to trust God and letting go of control. Praying unceasingly as I have worried for the kids, who relished in their independence but may not know fully the power and dangers of so much freedom.
I prayed that God would move mountains + I envisioned him clear the path for us. But my request was so selfish, self centered. I was overwhelmed with grief and consumed by worry. Then I would take a step back and consider: “would he be less of a good God if he didn’t give me what I asked?” And the answer came from deep within, my core memory with my earthly father. I trusted him implicitly as a kid and he didn’t always give me what I wanted, what I pleaded for. And I was ok.
My mind has been playing tricks on me with anxiety as I felt responsible for my own parents in this business of the girls trying their hand at more independence.
I realize as we teach our kids to step up, step forth into responsibility, I have to tech my parents that it’s ok to let their grandkids grow. To assure them, to include them, to let them know we feel the pangs of worry or guilt or even sadness to see them spread their wings and try to fly solo. But I will stick to my intuition and let the girls grow, in independence and self sufficiency, in finding their bearings.
Jackie kept saying how much she loved this weekend alone and asked when will we leave again. I responded at first with ease and gratitude for their ability to adapt & thrive while we were gone. But as she kept saying it that it started to feel offensive. Though Jackie is super verbose. To a fault these days. I told her “what if she & her sister had gotten back from somewhere (camp) and I’d tell her I had so much fun without her, asking where will she leave again.” And I’d ask this over and over with urgency and enthusiasm. She was quiet realizing how it sounded.
Asking the teens questions and not expecting an answer is the way to go, to let them reflect. Let them wonder. Let them take the steps to awareness guided gently.
The day before leaving for Croatia I had cooked 4 type of food, easy to serve: Cold pasta with ham and mushrooms, potatoes salad, soup, cold cuts and fruit in abundance. Jackie ate only what she felt like (on Saturday probably she had cereal all day) yogurt, pasta, cold cuts, but she survived. She was healthy albeit a bit hungry Monday morning. By all accounts they did well, but I carry a lot of burdens and talked them through plenty of questions and encouragement and permission. I look forward to trusting that they are responsible to feed themselves and take themselves to their respective schools & appointments. We’re getting there.