Wishes and wants

“I wish you hadn’t changed my name” she says while playing with dolls. Not even looking at me.
“I’m sorry.” I respond.

She’s heard all the explanations and reasoning before, when she got obsessing about names. Like most 5 year olds with vivid imagination and creative spirit.

Thinking of a name for her sister might have started the name drama. So many options.

“I wish we lived in a house with a large yard. Why did we have to move into this apartment with neighbors?”

“I’d like a house with a yard too.” I respond. When we bought this apartment 5 years ago it was the most beautiful place we could have bought with our money, and it was more than enough for what we needed. Moving to a house like you say, takes resources and involves logistics. It’s not as simple.”

“I wish o had my own pet.”
You have Rufus!
He is not just mine. I want my own.

I wish a had a car like this (random new and bigger than ours car in the parking lot)
I wish we could go on vacation now
I wish I could go to space
I with I could to to north pool
Can you take me to Africa?

My dreams were sensible and quiet when I was a kid. I didn’t think it would help to ramble about them. I didn’t want to burden my family with them.
But I did dream. I pictured myself wearying a knee length flowery flowing skirt. And being able to drive a car. I dreamed of independence and carefreeness. I accomplished that and more.

Occasionally I am saddened sometime by Jackie’s dissatisfaction with what she does have. I remind her about God’s guidance on the matter. Not coveting. Being thankful. It is the only thing that stands in my quest to justify what we have and where we are, without hurting her feelings.

All these wishes and wants. The worldly stuff, conrad and I don’t put much stock on because we’ve got a glimpse of it all. A taste. And we lived it for a decade. We left it for a life of soul richness and meaning. And to adopt her. And now her little sister.

We talk about how she can work hard and as she grows up she can buy her own house with a large yard and a pool. Her own new car, her own pet, and go on any vacation she wants. It’s a novel concept. Which seems far away. But sometimes she asks with a smirk: “I can?”

She thinks for a while… “Can I even change my name when I grow up?”