What do we like to dwell on the most?

I am a strong believer in confronting the ugliness of the day, stare it in the eye and overpower it. And then, move on to see the good in every big and small thing. There is pain and disfunction. There are unfortunate events. Though even in the midst of those, there is something to be grateful for. Always.

We’ve delighted in our solitude for a good long while. If given the choice to socialize or enjoy an evening alone, we would both choose the quiet of our home. Preferably with a glass of wine and a book.

As introverts, the more we settle in our solitude, the easier and more comfortable it gets, to the detriment of our social lives that seem less and less appealing. Last year we have developed a network of meetings and groups. I get discouraged by unresponsiveness, lack of punctuality, disinterest.

– How long do I remain available?
– Always.
– When do I confront bad behavior.
– Early.

It is easier to give up. Though what I need is to make a clear distinction between allowing consequences and giving up. There are people who are hungry and have a willing heart.

Pessimism is a national sport in many places. It sounds more cool in conversations. The disgust with everything that goes wrong around, the disappointment with politics, church, society… Distinguishing between someone’s true heart hurt and another who just likes to bicker, is tricky. I have been at some point devastated by some circumstances, and someone I really cared about found it was helpful to tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself and deal with it. It was a knee-jerk reaction of theirs, words they tried to take back after, yet years later I remember the biter taste of sadness caused by “tough love”.

Tough love has its place. But not before you have gone the extra mile and loved in silence and with patience. Loved with actions and humility. Loved not out of your abundant feelings, but out of God’s resources. I find it easier to love my husband through God’s eyes. Patience begets patience. Self-Sacrificial love can’t go wrong. My self worth has always been deeply rooted in my identity as a daughter of God. The moment I started drawing my validation from even people who love and want what’s best for me, it all started to falter.